Back By Popular Demand

OK - well, I wouldn't say popular. One person mentioned to me that she missed reading this, so I will try to keep up. What better time to blod than when you are strapped to a machine designed to mimic the suckling of an infant. TMI? At least I am not talking to you on the phone while pumping. I've had to do this and am always wondering if the person on the other end of the phone is wondering what the hell I am up to.
So, where did we leave off?
1) V-Day this February meant something completely different than in years past. Snip, snip. Yes, this was true. Ala had a long weekend for President's Day, so what better opportunity to ensure we have not more bebes? It was pretty interstesting from a medical standpoint. I had to remember to stop watching the procedure and remain a caring concerned wife bedside. Alan did great with the whole thing, and it is really good to be done with that part of our lives. No regrets, so I guess it was the right decision. Now...I may have to get an IUD or something because I truly thought I was in early labor this last month, but alas...just womanly. We'll see how that goes, this cannot stand.
2) How I maimed my son with the TiVo remote Apparently "maimed" may have been too strong a descriptor. Hes OK, but I did cuff him off the head accidentally when it flew out of my hands directly at his forehead. He still tries to steal it, so I am not sure if this is revenge, or he's forgiven the whole thing.
3) The Milk truck also has new meaning...ER...the Milk Element, I guess, is more like it. Chronicles of a pumping mama - pumping at the gas pump, and not just gasoline. Hmm. My milking adventures are really grounds for a whole separate blog. I have traveled out of town twice for business without Sawyer, and the lengths I have gone to seem ridiculous. Not even in retrospect...I have actually been able to think, "wow, this is craziness" as I have been berated by a handicapped person while pumping in Atlanta's Airport, and other lunacy. I will devote some time to this, as it can supply not only milk, but many many anecdotes :)
4) My daughter and why she drives me nuts and makes me proud. Whoa, where do I start? Smart? Yes, Sassy? Check, Karmic Payback, you betcha! (Ew, that was Palin-esque, right?!) Sorry. More on that when I get caught up, but thank Buddha she is out of diapers. That was gross.
5) Reduction! (no...not my boobs, yet...just my work hours, and how it sucks that Daycare isn't prorated like my pay will be.) This is actually a work in progress, so I'll chime in about this very soon, hopefully with better news than I would report right now. Key Points...Work is nuts, home seems nuts, which all is making me nuts. New daycare provider is a good thing, though (necessitated by previous change in hours.)
6) Call for ideas of how to make $400 a month the easy way...nothing new here...I am still thrifty (euphemism of the day:) - We've switched to Cloth Diapers and I try to make as much of Soy Boy's food as possible...and selling on Ebay is in full swing. What next?
7) General Update...Life is good, but I'll need to expound. Life IS good, but I have not even come close to managing any sort of work/family/self balance. I mean not even close. Not sure if this is just a pipe dream, or really attainable, but I intend to find out. Something had got to give soon.

Look at that...13 minutes have passed and 4.6 ounces later (not a bad haul for afternoon session), I must get back to work. I WILL really delve into these issues, and others sooner. I need an outlet, and unfortunately for you all...I've found it again :)

Milking Mumma Out

preview of posts to come

So...I have to "jot" these things down, so I remember to write about them in the nearer future:

1) V-Day this February meant something completely different than in years past. Snip, snip.
2) How I maimed my son with the TiVo remote
3) The Milk truck also has new meaning...ER...the Milk Element, I guess, is more like it. Chronicles of a pumping mama - pumping at the gas pump, and not just gasoline.
4) My daughter and why she drives me nuts and makes me proud.
5) Reduction! (no...not my boobs, yet...just my work hours, and how it sucks that Daycare isn't prorated like my pay will be.)
6) Call for ideas of how to make $400 a month the easy way...
7) General Update...Life is good, but I'll need to expound.

That is all for now...are you super-excited to read about these titillating subjects? I know...try to keep it to a dull roar. Tired Mumma, Outtie (like Sawyer's b-button.)

I knew this day would come...

So, I obviously haven't blogged for a while, because I have been enjoying my time with Sawyer and Evie, and haven't had time. I am assuming it will be even longer until I post again, as I return to work tomorrow. Yes, I know, people have to work to live, but it just feels WRONG. On some innate, biological level, it seems unnatural to leave your children, especially one so young, in another's care. It bothered me just as much when I went back after Evie, but it doesn't make this time any less painful.

On a happier note...some things that I should probably capture for posterity...
Sawyer is really a Momma's Boy, and I am sure I have not helped that situation. He loves everyone, if they engage him, but I, holder of the milk, am of course his mega-fave. He really likes Evie, which is amazing to me, given how she tugs, and yanks, and generally man-handles him. She still likes him, although she showed the first sign of resentment. Thursday, I had to get the retreatment on my tooth completed and it was right in the middle of the day. I took Sawyer to Melinda's for the second half of the day, with Evie, too. She apparently did not appreciate his presence in her domain, for the first part of their stint, but was fine by the end of the day.

That reminds me of something else that has happened during my time off...this Dental Abscess, which started the day before my Mom arrived. Mixed blessing, that, having my Mom here. I wanted to be out and about with her, but that was not to be. But oh, how thankful I was to have her here. I was incapacitated. I went to the dentist on an emergency visit because I just could not tolerate this pain in my tooth/jaw. She told me that I had an abscess where I had previously had a root canal. She placed me on Antibiotics (Amoxicillin) and Pain Meds (T#3) and told me it should feel better in 24 hours. I went to the airport straight from there to pick up Mum. Things went downhill from there, quickly and severely. I was in SO MUCH pain by that evening. I had tried not to take the pain meds, and only take the ABX and Ibuprofen, because both pharmacists I spoke with warned against the T#3 while nursing...I had a call into Dr. E's office, but didn't get the message that they'd called back until MUCH later. I couldn't take it and finally started taking the T#3, along with Ibuprofen. It wasn't working and by the time 24 hours came, I was worse. I called the dentist who was SUCH a jerk. She said that it sounded like I was choosing to nurse my baby instead of nursing my pain, and that was my choice. She also wanted me to started taking Metronidazole, which is contraindicated in nursing mothers. Sheesh...this lady was pissing me off. Long story short, after a WHILE, it got better, and I had it fixed elsewhere...

Oh no...someone needs my attention, so I will try to complete this later, but I just wanted to say, I LOVE these two, and I never would have guessed that having a little boy would be so fun. He is bright and funny and beautiful, and different, but every bit a loveable as was my first Baby Love. This is amazing, and I truly am trying to cherish every moment, as we'll never have thes times back. Yes, I am sad about tomorrow, but I have so much to be happy and thankful for.
Mumma out

The Great Con Artist/ The Milkman Cometh

So...things are A LOT better these last four days. I had been trying to continue with the supplementation with formula until my milk came in, but that was going horribly. I think I already explained the vicious cycle that was fighting with him to take formula, burping him every 10 cc, fighting to get more in him...30 - 60 cc later...only to have him spit it all up...and then back to square one since he was hungry again. All that equaling NO SLEEP...and I mean NONE. On Monday morning I called the lactation consultant at Avista and explained what was going on...Of course she said, "oh the poor dear, he's hungry!" and gave me some suggestions. I was to pump after feedings to try to increase my supply and to come in on Thursday for a before and after feeding weight on Sawyer, to see what the issue is. That very afternoon, I started a new routine...Feed him for 10 minutes on each side, have Alan change his diaper while I pump, and then have him drink what I just pumped. He was still VERY bad at drinking from the bottles, but at least he wasn't spitting up what he did get down, and it was breast milk, not formula (which we had just bought a huge canister of.) That night, he woke up a couple times to eat, looked around in his own mellow way, and nodded off to sleep. Alan had gotten up both times to change him while I pumped, and it was working!!!

So...I have kept doing that. I had a few problems trying to pump after every feeding (Evie being awake in the middle of the night so my wing man was occupied...someone peeing all over things so I had to clean up instead of pump) but I was getting more milk out than he was drinking. Yesterday morning, he actually didn't want any of the extra milk that we offered him, which was huge! We had three night in a row with > 6 hours sleep each night, which is awesome. Thursday I went to the lactation consultant at Avista...Nicky. She was the person who helped me so much when I truly wasn't producing enough for Evie. I was instructed to bring Sawyer in hungry. We got there and it was a few minutes before she could see us and he was REALLY hungry, so mission accomplished. She weighed him, and then had me feed him on the right (in a new hold that I wasn't used to but is really great - Cross Cradle) for 15 minutes. He kind of lost interest toward the end of the 15 minutes. She weighed him, and, whereas an average baby would drink 2 oz. in a whole meal, he drank 2 oz. on one side. She immediately scolded him so sweetly for "conning his Mummy into thinking she had no milk." (She's British...) and then put him on the other side, where I had some blocked ducts. Apparently, I never got a chance to get that engorged, "Milk's In" feeling that I got with Evie...the milk was gone from my breasts before I had a chance to notice it was there. At the end of that 15 minutes, she weighed him again. All in all...he ended up eating 3.5 ounces...so almost double an average baby. Glutton! Of course it takes a lot of calories to keep up that physique of his. Everyone talks about the pushing out part of having a 10 lb+ baby, but I think it is clearly the keeping him fed part that is the more difficult! She also commented that he is almost rolling over, so that we have to be very careful to not leave him unattended. Sheesh...what did I give birth to...a two month old?

Last night...plenty of sleep for Mommy and Son and Evie woke up this morning to me giving her a back rub, which always helps to get her up in a good mood. I really wanted to be the one to take her to daycare today, as that had been the routine for so long prior to Sawyer coming. I REALLY wanted to get her there at the time we would usually arrive, but no dice...But I did get her there, and she had NO problem with me leaving, which was so great. We have our meltdowns here and there, but all in all, I think she is starting to become more secure in her role in the family, and knows that she is still our first love. She still really likes Sawyer, and talks to him in the CUTEST voice, ever. Maybe I can get some video and post it. Truly sweet.

Other than all that...his 1 week appointment was Tuesday, which was highly uneventful...he was at 10 lbs. 1 oz. and 22". Got one shot and was out of there. Doing perfectly. Mumma is doing REALLY well. I do wish I could see into the future to be able to tell what of this gut will hang around, and what will just disappear, but I guess I have to be patient and see what lies ahead. I am actually really happy that my feet are both back to their normal shape/size, cankles and lower leg swelling...GONE, and I can wear normal clothes! Yeah, on all fronts! This has been such an easier recovery than after Evie...not that it was that bad then, either, but this is just amazing.

I just have to make note of my husband...I knew when I married him that he wasn't terribly romantic, or verbose, or mushy...but I did know that he is a good, good man, and that I would be in good hands. It turns out, he is also a good, good father. I love him more now than ever, and almost cry when I see him with both of these two kids. Alan, if you ever read this...I love you, and couldn't be more grateful for the life we've built together. 9/5/03...best "yes" I've ever said.

That;s about all from here for a while. Someone is stirring and will surely be hungry when awake :P

Love to all, Mumma Out

Day 5

So...We are OK. Sawyer is completely sweet and inquisitive, not at all cranky, though ENTIRELY NOCTURNAL...I mean, just unreal. Evie has been acting out a lot, so I am a bit stressed about that. Alan has been able to spend some good one-on-one time with her, but not so much me. She just seems really angry :( I made the choice to go trick-or-treating together, since I think she really needed some attention just on her from both of us. She did so well, I was really proud, but I had to cut it short and almost run home since all of a sudden Sawyer woke up hungry and screaming.

My milk STILL has not really come in, so I am really bummed about that. If it was going to, it should have come in by now. I am still supplementing him with formula, which he does not tolerate at all. I just went and got a new type, so maybe he'll do better with that...but it is really frustrating to nurse him for 20-25 minutes in the middle of the night...he is still hungry, give him formula, and just when he's about to nod off, the hiccups start, and up comes all the formula and who knows how much of the breast milk, and we are back to square one, with his tummy empty, and now I have no milk. I have had mini-meltdowns twice at around 6:00 the last two days because I am just SO tired and feel badly for him, and Evie is waking up, and I can't give her the attention she needs, and the milk thing really gets to me. That is about the time of day when your hormones are REALLY high, so I chalk it up to that, but still...I gotta get more sleep and figure out this nursing/formula thing. I am not really worried about this being Post-partum depression (during the day, I am myself)...I just think this is a LOT harder than the first time around. I am older, Evie needs her love, too, and he is just not as easy as she was. She ate, looked at you for a bit and went to sleep...middle of the night feedings...20 minutes, burp and bed...even by 5 days old. He really is a love and I am at least lucky that when he and I are up for hours on end overnight, he is just looking at me, cooing, etc. I am so in love. He is not an easy baby, but sure worth the work.

I will go back and fill-in the rest of the birthing experience, but after a nap :)

Mumma, Out

The Marathon

So...where did we leave off? 10:35 p.m.? OK

I was able to sleep from about 12:00 midnight to 1:00 a.m., at which point I really started to get my stuff together, and woke Alan up. There was certainly no doubt at this point that the membranes had ruptured and at about 1:00, I was sure that I was having consistent contractions...far apart, but consistent and not comfortable. We got packed up, I tried to find something comfy to wear, since I had gone through 4 pairs of paints by then, and found some towels for the road. I was feeling really excited and optimistic.

We arrived at the hospital around 2:30 and they admitted me after confirming that the fluid was amniotic. They got us settled in a room, and my nurse, Heather, came in to get a history and baseline strip on me and Sawyer, and another nurse came in to start an IV, so they could get me on the Ampicillin for the GBS. The nurse missed my IV placement, and then finally got one to feed and started the antibiotics. The strip confirmed that I was in labor and that Sawyer was perfectly happy. No pelvic exam at that point, so I was to wait until my doctor came in the morning. I called my doula and told her we were settled, and that I would call her as we progressed. She said that if I had not heard from her by 6, to call her.

So...I was pretty comfortable, Alan and I took a spin around the floor (I didn't have the constant monitoring or IV fluids) and kind of hung out in the room. I could not sleep, and Alan got a little sleep. By around 5:00, I was thinking I would need some support from my doula before long, so I called her, but she was already almost there. She couldn't get back to sleep and figured that if I had called her in the first place, I probably couldn't wait until 6:00, which was actually the case. My contractions had started to get stronger, although not really closer together. O could manage them by just thinking elsewhere and breathing, but they definitely started to get a bit ouchy.

Lisa got there and we took another walk around, not so quickly this time, and I had to get back to the room do they could get another strip and a dose of Ampicillin (q. 4 h.) so we headed back. From here on out, time is lost on me, except for certain times and the sequence of events is fuzzy, but I will do my best. I was starting to get more intense contractions, so I got in the shower, and put the sprayer right on my back, which really helped me through. I was in there for a LONG time. Whenever I used the spray head, it almost seemed like I wasn't feeling any pain. I got out and my doctor came in between 7:00 and 8:00. I think this is when I was 4 cm, 50% effaced and soft, though Sawyer was still not engaged. I was really encouraged.

With this type of progress, I felt really good about the prospect that I could make it through this time without drugs. almost 1/2 way there, and not too bad. I started using the birthing ball a lot, went in the spa tub, but that didn't actually help me as much as the shower, so we headed back. It was time for another dose of Ampicillin and a strip. I think it was around 10:00 and I had gotten to 6 cm, I think. I was still 4 to 5 minutes apart, lasting less than a minute. I labored some more in the shower, which still helped, but not as much. They checked again and I was at 7cm around 11:00 or so. I was really hapy that I had progressed, but had hoped for a bit more. At this point, the surges were getting pretty intense, and I was doing my best to cope. I had another check shortly after and was still at 7cm. At that point, I laid in bed for a bit, and the pain parted to get better. I stayed there for a while, as I was thinking that I somehow was just coping better in that position...Not really... My doctor came back to check me and I hadn't budged a bit and my contractions were slowing. It was at this point (maybe at 2:00 ?) that he told me he was going to give me a bit longer to get these contractions going again, or we'd have to consider pitocin. The nurses and doula were having me walk, bounce (horribly painful) and sway. Anything to try to get something started. I had barely been coping with the pain approaching this point, and this thing of TRYING to make it more intense was awful. It was working, but horrible to get through. My contractions were getting closer together and more severe, but when that hour was up, and my doctor came back in to check me, I hadn't budged at all and Sawyer was actually even higher up than he had been before. That was at around 4:00. I panicked a bit. I told Alan, my Doula and nurse that I did not think I could handle augmented labor. The nurse told me, "Oh, you'll only be given a whiff of Pitocin, it won't be that bad," My Doula said, "you've come this far some well, I KNOW you can do this, and know you'll do what's best for your baby," and Alan just tried to play Devil's Advocate. I was pretty upset and certainly scared. I KNOW what trying to go through augmented labor is like with out pain relief. THAT is WHY I was scared. I had done so well, but just couldn't bear the thought of handling those jagged contractions so hard and often. I told my doula and Alan that I did not want to do that. My doula gave me time alone with Alan and I told him I was done. I had come this far, but it was not all for nothing. I wanted to get the epidural and get this finished and have our son. He told my doula, who immediately seemed deflated. She went out to the desk to tell my nurse and doctor and they were actually thankful that I had made that decision and wasn't going to try to go through Pitocin without drugs. I wanted it done RIGHT THEN, though, now that I made the decision. I made them promise no one would come near me with Pitocin without the Epidural in place...they complied. I had three sets of contractions before the Epidural was in place (the anesthesiologist was a total jerk, but I choose to forget about him) and it was not soon enough! My back had started to really be in pain, switching from right to left side, which I could only guess was Sawyer's legs lodged above where the epidural had effect. The contractions were better, but that back pain, yikes. They started to Pitocin at 4:30-ish, then I finally got to a position where that back pain was also alleviated, and I went to sleep.

I dozed in and out, and heard them keep coming in to up the Pitocin, as not much was happening. I did get to 8cm rather easily, but after that...it was slow going. The back pain started to come back and I was exhausted. I heard, at around 10:00 them tell me that I had been put on the maximum dose of Pitocin and that they figured out that my IV had not been hooked up to the drip for some time, but that they had just reattached me and started over again. I was too tired to be irate, and zoned out again. All this time, my doctor was checking me often and I had only gotten to 9 cm when they had restarted the drip...by 11:00 p.m., I was at 9.5 and almost 90% effaced, but Sawyer was not at zero station yet. 11:30 (already back up to max. dose of Pitocin) my doctor came in, and I had not progressed at all. He had an idea, that if I just tried to push once to see if I could get Sawyer past that lip of cervix, then he would advise delivering, but if not, we'd have to wait. I should point out that the rush to get me delivered all day stemmed from me breaking my waters at 7:30 p.m. the night before. We were now well beyond the 24 hours they were comfortable with and I was getting nervous that they were going to suggest a c-section, and truthfully, I was just spent. I was nervouse that I would have another 1.75 pushing session like with Evie, not be able to get him out, and that they'd have to go in and get him. I was all for the "test push" idea. I pushed with my next contraction and lucking Sawyer glided right past my Cervix and down far enough that my doc could see his head. He told me to take a small rest and that he'd be in and we'd get this baby out. I rested for the next 20 minutes and then right before midnight I started to push.

I pushed three times in my first set of contractions and got Sawyer close to crowning. The next set had him crowning. I skipped a set that weren't that strong (I could feel really well this time...could feel the contractions, could feel him moving through the canal, it was great) and then on the next, asked if I could push. They told me to go ahead, and with the first push, I got his head out. I expected his body to just come out, but it didn't. They told me to push, even though there were no contractions, so I did...his upper body started to come. There were comments as to how long he was, and how big...push again...and with my doctor's help...he was out. I could NOT believe it. 12:20 a.m. I had my boy. They got him right to my chest (apparently he had more cord than they had ever seen) and I just marveled at this guy. The oohs and Aahs were all around, how big he was, how easy that was, etc. Alan cut the cord and came over with me to meet the little man. He cried and then calmed right down. He latched on to my breast so well and we were right then Mother and Son. I held him there for a nice long time, and then the curiosity got the better of me and I let them take him to the scale. We had all made guesses, but he exceeded them all. 10 lbs., 4 oz, and 21 and 3/4 inches. OK...that is big. I delivered the placenta without trouble and waited for my doctor to tell me I had torn, which I hadn't felt, but just assumed. I had not...no stitches, just a bruise and swelling. Wow, I thought, this was incredible! I was so happy and proud and satisfied, I told my doula that I knew right then that I'd never regret however I got to this point. We took pictures, and everyone cleared out. We texted some family and close friends a picture and his stats. It was crazy how many people must have been waiting for that because the calls and texts started pouring in. I was on cloud nine, and could NOT believe how well I felt. I nursed him more and was so happy.

Around 1:00 a.m., They got me my dinner while a nurse took Sawyer to do his bath and screening. While he was gone, they did his 1 hour Blood Glucose. It was 35 (should be over 45) so they informed me that he HAD to get supplementation and they'd recheck him in 1 hour. The nurse fed him some formula and then left him with us. They came back, and his BG was 53, so they told me they'd not have to give him glucose, but that until my milk came in, I'd have to keep supplementing him with formula, which I was not happy about, but was OK with, for his sake. I fed him again, and we fell asleep for almost 5 hours! we woke up and got breakfast and just got to know our man. He was doing well, and I was really doing great...able to get around no problem, and really quite comfortable. The only thing troubling was that my breast seemed to have already developed a blocked duct, which was in the back of my mind as a bummer.

Eventually, Alan left to go pick up Evie and I got some alone time with Sawyer. It was wonderful. Just before dinner, Alan came back with Evie. That was one of the best times of my life. She came in, tentatively at first, and then saw me and Sawyer and was beaming. "Baby?!", she said. And climbed right up to meet him. She was SO sweet and somehow seemed to know that THIS was the baby we'd been talking about for so long. It was awesome! We all ordered dinner and ate our first meal together as a family, watching Jeopardy and Wheel, as we do every night, but in the hospital room instead of at the kitchen table, this time. Evie then started to be a 2.5 year old, and Alan took her home. I was alone again with Sawyer and had the nicest nurse some in and check on us every so often and just chat. I again got a lot of sleep, as Sawyer just ate then went back to sleep. What a nice night. The next morning, I ate breakfast and waited for my doctor to come do Sawyer's Circumcision, which was to be around 11:00. Alan had to take Evie to daycare and go in to work for a bit and got there around 11:30, just as they were bringing Sawyer back from getting snipped. They wanted us to wait an hour before leaving to check his site, so we ordered lunch and ate together and got packed up. The nurse went through everything with us and we got to leave! We walked out to a beautiful, windy warm day, much like the day we brought Evie home.

We got home around 1:30 and it felt great to be home. Sawyer ate (breast and bottle) and went to sleep for a while and we got settled in. Alan went to get Evie and got home around 6:00, at which point I was getting sleepy. I made some dinner, and we went to sleep around 8:00, right after Evie (who still was LOVING the baby.) Woke up around 10:30 with him, fed him, changed diaper and clothes, and then tried to get him to go back to bed. No Dice. He spit up, cried was hungry again, had dirty diapers and was all around cranky until I breast fed him again and topped him off with formula t 2:30! We did get to sleep until around 8:00, when Evie woke me up. I felt awful...I snapped at her because she busted in my room and was so loud. I said, Get out, Evie," and she broke out crying. I was up and soothing her at that point and felt the worst guilt. Sawyer was still asleep, and I made breakfast and took a shower. He woke up, and I fed him and then he pretty much went right back to sleep.

The rest of our day was me doing laundry, Alan playing outside with Evie, and Megan coming to visit and bringing a huge dish of Macaroni and Cheese. Alana and Evie carved pumpkins, and I tended to Sawyer, and then we ate dinner. It was great to just sit down and eat something I didn't have to make or even plan! What an awesome gift! (also sweet action ice cream delivery to our house is AWESOME!)

Evie and I watched 'Elf' together while Sawyer STILL slept. We woke him up to eat and then he went right back to sleep, unable to be woken up. I am scared for tonight, so I am trying to type fast before I can't sleep. Eive put herself to sleep both for her nap and to bed tonight, so I am a little worried that she is more upset than what she seems. I have GOT TO figure out something that we can do just the three of us.

I have not had to give Sawyer a bottle except for once today, which is good, though I was really sad to have not had my milk come in this morning. I was really hoping. Progressively over the day, I can feel more and more of the ducts getting backed up and am pretty nervous about that. The sides of my breast are hard as a rock and I have taken two hot showers with the water right on them and massaged so much. Hopefully this resolves as soon as the milk gets here...maybe they'll get flushed out? Hopefully tomorrow morning.

So...I will write more reflections on all these events, and fill in details in the near future, but needed to just get this part out, before I forgot even more. Labor...arduous and really tough emotionally. Delivery...AWESOME! And Life from here on out...Wonderful. We four were on the couch tonight together watching a movie and I truly felt like life could not possibly get any better, and that I could not in a million years deserve these three people around me. I fell blessed.

Love to you all,
Mumma (of two,) OUT

It's a gusher

So...I am sitting here after a very interesting day, waiting for contractions to start, since my water broke two hours ago. Let me back up.

Yesterday, I noticed that I started to lose my mucus plug, a little bit at a time. I had my almost 40 week appointment this morning. After telling the doctor that there were no new symptoms, other than the little bits of plug dislodging, but no more contractions, etc. He did a cervical exam and when done said, "well...the good news is that you're going to have a baby, but just not today." He reported that I was not at all dilated, was 0% effaced, but that my cervix was soft. That was all. I left being pretty dejected and in a generally bad mood.

I went in to work and tried to get my mind off of the fact that it could be weeks more...17 days, to be exact, until I was two weeks over and would have to be induced. I left for home, made dinner, ate, and Alan, Evie and I were hanging out in Sawyer's room. I felt like my pelvis kind of hurt, so I got off the floor to sit in the cushy chair, sat down and felt a spurt of warm liquid. I thought I peed myself, though I tried to stop it, and it didn't work. Alan got a towel, thankfully before I got the chair wet. I moved tot he downstairs bathroom and kept trickling. I peed, and emptied my bladder and just sat there for a little bit. More mucous plug. I stood up from the toilet and trickled some more. Evie came in and asked me if I was pottying on the floor (not a good thing for her to see when we're trying to potty train, lol.) I went to the computer to try to look up t he likelihood of having just been assessed as so low on the Bishop's score this morning, but breaking my bag. I stood up from the computer, thinking I was being dumb, and I was just incontinent from coughing so much over the last few days (I've been sick.) Well...I stood up, and gush. Onto the towel I was sitting on. I called the doctor's office and the doctor on call called me back. Dr. Sarinopoulis. So he told me it sounded like I broke my bag and that I should go to the hospital and expect to stay. I said ok and hung up.

I called Jen to come watch Evie and started to get things together. The more I moved around, the more I was convinced that this was me breaking my water, so I had the doctor paged again. I had talked to my doula and told her that they wanted me to go in and that I was concerned that my doctor, MY doctor, Dr. Ehrenberger, had told me I could stay home for 6 hours after my water broke. She told me that I could go in and then ask to be sent home. I heard back from the doctor again and told him I was more certain that I'd ruptured my sac, and that I was reluctant to go in, unless they would be willing to check that it was fluid and then send me home to start labor. He said absolutely not, at which point I let him know that I would not be going in to the hospital, as I REALLY wanted to avoid being induced, and they wounded ready to just go ahead and start induction. He was not amused, but consented to that and wished me luck. Alan and I tucked Evie in, after reading "Big Sister" to her once more, and I got another call from the doctor. He told me that he had just learned that I was group-b strep positive and that he had to advise me to go in to the hospital. I told him that I understood his position, but that I felt comfortable being at home and would go in 6 hours, and they could get me ampicillin then. He caught on that I wasn't rushing in there.

Jen got here and I caught her up to speed. Evie was asleep, so I watched TV with Jen, got some things together, and Alan got the car seats switched and he got packed. And that brings us up to right now. I haven't had any noticeable contractions, so I am getting a little nervous. I know that the longer I wait the more likelihood of infection, so I will abide by the going in around 3 a.m. or so. I am just nervous that they won't give me a chance. We'll have to see what happens in the next few hours, and what my bishop score is when I get to the hospital. At least at that point, they will call Dr. Ehrenberger and we can get on the same page.

Alan is going to take a nap (it's 10:35), Jen and Evie are asleep and I am going to go try to get a little rest. Come out, come out wherever you are, little man. Let the contractions begin!!!

Thank you, Girls

I just wanted to say, "Thank you!" to all of you who planned a sneaky attack of a shower. How smart of you to use the ploy that we were getting together for one of my favorite activities, carving pumpkins! Deftly done! I don't think I will need to buy diapers or wipes for at least 6 months :) Andrea, the food was SO good and all my faves. I love you guys, and am so glad to be bringing another child into the fold of such good sisters. Thanks, again.

Mumma, Alan, Evie and Sawyer V.

More of the same

So...I had my 39 week appointment today, though I am not officially 39 weeks until Friday. It was HIGHLY uneventful. I has mentioned to Dr. E previously, rather in jest, that I didn't know why he'd bother checking for dilation, because it doesn't change things. I think he was listening, since that is almost exactly what he told me today, so no assessment. I am actually happy about that. I was curious, and had a little twinge of disappointment, but got over that quickly. If he doesn't feel like he needs to do one next week, I am down with that as well. For one, you could walk around for weeks several centimeters dilated. On the other hand, he could report that I had no dilation, which would bum me out, and I'd rather not know. I prefer to be hopeful, and just be ready whenever. The good news from the visit is that Dr. Salas-Myers agreed to take over my care if I deliver while Dr. E is out of town. He has already gone over my birthing wishes with her and she has no problems with that.

I just finished reading "Hypnobirthing" and wish that I had taken a class. I am not sure exactly how "deep" I will be able to train myself to go in the next two weeks, but I know I will benefit from at least some of it. There are things in that book that I am not completely sold on, so my approach will be an amalgamation of a few different methods. I am happy that my doula has also read the book, which she did once she learned that I was practicing it. But things like not allowing anyone to come visit unless they are there to do something for us, so as to not disrupt our bonding time, is bunk. Evie is one of the most sociable, loving kids and I am pretty sure I didn't cordon her off to myself, allowing no one to hold her for weeks. I am calling BS on that theory. That being said, I am actually quite happy that no one besides Alan, Lisa (Doula) and myself will be involved in the actual labor and birth. I truly will want to be unconcerned about anyone but us, and getting this guy out as gently and easily as possible. I do intend to keep him skin to skin for as long as they will allow, though. They will have to pry him away from me after he is born. I just want to meet him already!

I am actually doing fine other than the profound lack of sleep. It is a cruel irony that when you are this pregnant, you get crappy sleep, when you most need to stock up on rest! Practice, my ass. I don't need practice at not getting sleep! I need a good night's rest before I get ready to deliver this guy and start caring for him! Another (completely random) observation...How the hell am I supposed to be checking for the passage of this mucus plug? I can't see past my damn abdomen into the toilet. I don't really care to go scanning the bowl post-pee, either. I am going to stick to my current plan of just not wanting to know. If I pass it, it means nothing, anyway. Again...it could be weeks. Now...should I see any show or break my water, I will be a believer, but until then...I am just going to remain pregnant and hopeful. Did I mention that I had several rounds of contractions on Friday, for almost an hour, a bit over 5 minutes apart, but not even close to a minute each and certainly not intensifying...then they stopped, and not a peep since? At least SOMETHING is going on in there. I am fine with whatever happens, though I am really hoping for a spontaneous labor, some time before November 8...but if not, it just means that the little man needs more time to prepare (he will, after all, need to prepare himself to deal with his big sister!)

All else is good...Work has slowed, so I am now just doing preparations for my leave and my return to two new studies. I am now shadowing my replacement, instead of the other way around. Bodily...let's see. My right foot/ankle actually swells more than my left - weird, huh? But neither have gotten any worse as of late, just kind of generally puffy. No swelling in my hands or anywhere else, so that is good. No protein/glucose in urine, great BP, mild backaches, peeing ALL the time, the sleep thing, sporadic sciatica issues, but really not bad. Heartburn...how could I forget? That is one thing that gets pretty old, pretty quick.

I have so much to do still, completing the decoration of Sawyer's room...and I don't know why I am procrastinating! I have to finish his painting and some sewing projects, but I have gotten a few things done off my list. I packed my hospital bag, finally. I finished all the swaddling blankets for him, and I made his first stroller blanket, which came out AWESOME. I really love it. I hope he loves his as much as Evie loves her Blanket (notice, capitalization to denote it being its own entity...) I'll take some pictures of his room, as a few people have asked...but I really can't wait to get some motivation and get it ALL put together.

All right...rambling now, so I guess I had better go. To all of you out there who have recently had your babies come into your world (Beth - June is beautiful!!!) or are anxiously awaiting their arrival...I am thinking of you often. (Sange...stay in bed and Carly, you be a good girl and stay in Momma.) I am really trying to cherish these final days as I know they will be the last I will ever be pregnant. And then we get to meet Sawyer. And introduce him to his big sis and start our life together as four. Love to all, and I will update soon.

Mumma, Out

Seriously...80's again?

Not the 1980's...this is the NOT SO FUN, 80 degrees that is forecast in the next few days. I thought we were done with that. not so much.

Not much to report on my end...just more Braxton-Hicks, which is exciting, and NOVEL. I am almost through my Hypnobirthing book, which I really like, but I am just a little nervous about the lack of practice time I have left. If anything, I guess it will help me relax, even if I can't master self-hypnosis by the time buddy boy comes.

Feet, huge and "jiggly" as pointed out to me today (yeah...I know, they are attached to my legs...it's gross.) Sciatica is flaring a little, but not badly. I only wake up once a night to pee and then right back to sleep. The new pregnancy pillow is the best thing I think I have bought in a long time. I wish I had it for my pregnancy with Evie! If any of you out there are getting big and pregnant, get thyself a snoogle, or boppy prego pillow or similar. Completely worth the money.

My friends at work started a pool, and I guessed 11/7/10, 9 lbs., 1 oz., 22 inches. My new BFF is Halley, ( despite the jiggly-feet observation) coming in earliest at Halloween. If only. I will post more once I see my doctor next week, as that will be my first cervical check. I asked him, kind of rhetorically, "what's the point?" But he didn't answer. What is the point? I am going to go when I go...even if I am dilated two centimeters...it could be weeks. We'll see, I guess.

More to come then.

Mumma, Out

37 and 3/7

seeing it is 10.10.10, I had to post when I was also 37, 3/7 :P
Today is our 6th Anniversary and I loved it. We had the best date, adn Halley and Evie looked like they had a good time together. We got to talk alone about what the plans are, how we have GOT to have a date eralier on this time than we did when Evie was born. I am on love with my husband, and am sure I am going to fall in love again in 3 to 5 weeks, and don't want to lose sight of my first man :)
Let's see...last week's appointment, did I blog after that? I don't know. It went well though. Low blood pressure, swollen ankles/feet, no proteins in urine, measuring right on, and Sawyer all over the place when Dr. E tries to listen. We talked about my plan some more and it just reaffirms that my Doctor rocks. He seriously took the time to read it since I had last been then, summarized it back to me and let me know that it was part of my admission orders. I knew there was a reason we loved him. I also let him know the only thing that worries me is in whose hands I'd be left, if I delivered when he was out of town Nov. 8-11. I asked who was covering for him, and he asked me if I had a preference, which of course I do...Dr. Monica. It was great not to have to tell him, "anyone but Almira Gulch(Dr. Robertson)." He is asking Dr. Monica if she will "babysit" me if he is gone, and will let me know Tuesday. I will have to tell him my preference to not have Dr. R, if Dr. Salas-Myers is not available. I hope she is.

What else? I am group B + again, so more ampicillin, but he assures me that it will only be boluses in 250 cc NaCl, so not tied down to an IV stand, or anything. He was remarkably cool about my plan, and pretty much said that he could catch from any which angle, so I should do what I need to. Again...love him. I have actually had some B-H contractions over the last few days, which is a novel occurance for me. A few of which stopped me in my tracks, so this is a lot better than last time, when nothing was stirring in there until go time. I hate to get my hopes up that maybe he won't be two weeks late, after all. That is the other thing I worry about...I have been preparing and actually practicing relaxation, reading as much as I can, listening to affirmations in the car...really planning to do everything I can to have him naturally...but if I go to 2 weeks, I will need to be induced. I am not against this, as I have read a lot about Post-mature babies, and not sure that I want to do that to him. It does, however, completely alter my wishes, and it would be unlikely that I could do anything differently from how I did before..."tethered" to the bed, hooked up to lots of things, and not being able to cope. If that is what it takes to get him out, at that point, though...so be it. Alan is worried about me and; 1) how bid Sawyer's going to be and can I get him out and 2) how long my labor will be, and can I cope that long? Two really good questions...lol

Let's see...one thing that was not pleasant, and I have to only hope has to do with hormones was my mood yesterday. I would say that this goes was beyond irritable, and to down right angry, and I did not like it. Everything anyone did (including Evie) after about 4:30 p.m. made me so mad. Evie wasn't exactly being an angel, and it DOES put me in a bad mood to be at the track, not participating, but this was something else. I hope it doesn't happen again. I actually found myself apologizing to her for yelling when I calmed down. Not exemplary mommy behaviour. Bad Mommy.

I really organized Sawyer's and Evie's closets this morning and finally stocked up his. His hanging things were already hung up, but I got out all the socks, onesies, little pants and sleep gowns. I guess we are really having a little boy :)

That is about all...have to savor this last bit of our anniversary, so going to cut out for some snuggle time. G'Night to all of you out there.

Mumma

ticking along

Not really much to report that is new, just 36+3 and still preggers. My next appointment is tomorrow, after just having had one on Friday. I keep on feeling twinges in my cervix, but honestly, I think they are just head butts. Every time it happens, I feel my abdomen, and there is no tightening, or anything, so I still have officially not had a braxton-hicks even. This could be a while :)

I think it is starting to sink in to a few people at work that I won't be there soon and that they better hope that this kid stays put until everyone is back from the conference in Boston. What would be ideal is to have Sawyer some time between November 3rd and 7th, but obviously no one has any control over that. I say that for a few reasons, none of which will make it more likely to happen;
1) the lion share of my office is going to be gone between Oct. 28 and Nov. 2, so I seriously have to hold down the fort...41 weeks pregnant. I can say that if that week of covering for people is like my last week, I may just go home and stay home. It was seriously that bad.
2) my sister is coming out the 8th to the 12th, so I hope we have a new person for her to meet, and
3) I just found out on Friday that my doctor will be in Orlando November 8, 9, and 10th. I have to remember to find out who is on call while he is gone. I am seriously contemplating looking into a birthing center, or something if I may get stuck with Dr. Robertson. It would really throw a wrench in the works if it were her. I am just thinking good thoughts...I mean what are the chances that I will have this kid while he is gone (famous last words?)

Let's see what else...we have made some progress in the nesting realm. I got a bit of the owl painting done...the chocolate brown part, now I have to fill in the rest of it, but I LOVE IT so far! It is perfect. I have finished three swaddling blankets and most of the first stroller blanket. So cute! I still have to start the pillows for the glider, the owl mobile and the changing pad cover. I haven't gotten that much done other than weekends, because I am too tired after Evie goes to bed and I just want to go to bed myself. Plus, I have been reading as much as I can each night.

I went back to reading more on natural birth. I am not sure what my strategy is for achieving my goal, but I can tell you that I do not really subscribe to a lot of the things these books talk about like; Reiki or any other "energy work", and I am not adept at yoga breathing, and the whole "mindfullness" thing is lost on me. Maybe I am just not that deep or self-aware, or introspective, or whatever it takes to be down with all that...but I'd like to think I still have it in me to do this, for me and for Sawyer. I am pretty stubborn, but I don't think I can just will my way through labor. I need to learn to let go a little bit more than I have. I can, however, go to my happy place, which seems to be scenes of my life that have already happened, every time I practice. Alan and me on Ke'e beach, Evie laughing, and then of course, images of me with the new little man.

Sandra doesn't sound like she is having much fun either, and I will spare you the details, since they are not mine to tell, but I am 100% convinced when she says this is their last child. I completely understand. I don't know if Beth, from work, has delivered yet, but I am hoping so for her sake...she is overdue by a week. One good thing is that I can just feel the bite in the air every morning...so it rejuvinates me a bit. Of course, by 2pm, it is 82 - 84 fricking degrees outside, but it is coming...I know it is...The first time I NEED to wear a sweater, and I am looking forward to it. I was in a 500% better mood Sunday morning when it was cool. SUPPOSEDLY it is going to be a high of 72 on Wednesday, but I will believe it when I feel it. This coming weekend is supposed to be even cooler, which is great, since we will be at the track. It is Alan's last race of the year, and a bit of a farewell to racing, I think. Not sure what the future holds for either of us as far as racing is concerned, but I can at least go cheer him on. Sunday is our 6th Anniversary, and we are going out, which I am excited about. I miss Alan, as he has had to sleep on the floor still, because of his back. I can only hope this improves soon, since it really makes me lonely to wake up alone. Sure, I hog the bed with me and my belly and my pregnancy pillow, but it would still be nice if he could be in there, too.

What else? No new prego symptoms, since I think I mentioned that my feet are now horrendously swollen all the time, regardless of what I eat or how long I put them up on my makeshift ottoman I've fashioned from my upside down recycling bin and a blanket under my desk. Maybe it will be cold enough next week for compression hose!

Wow...I can't believe for all the griping I did about the size of the chest and lack of bras that I have not already mentioned that I got new bras!!! seven of them, and they are awesome! I wore a white shirt for the first time in three weeks on Friday, since I finally had a nude colored bra that fit. So...I am all set for "normal" bras, but sadly, I just went through all my nursing bras, and there was only one that fit...so I bought another off ebay that is great, and am trying to buy a few more. At least I have people to pass on the ones I have to. And maybe the ones that are just a bit small will fit after I lose some baby weight...but then I will have milk, so who knows.

I must be in the "waiting" boring phase if I can talk about so much nothing going on. The one thing that I have tried to focus on is spending quality one on one time with Evie and letting her know how special she is to us. I am anxious to meet him, but at the same time, I feel sad that I am going to lose my alone time with her, to some extent. I just hope that she will love being a big sister and that it will bring her as much joy as it will to us. Good sign, I guess, that she ASKS for me to read "Big Sister" to her.

That is about all...I am super tired. Thanks to everyone out there who hasn't told me I look ready to pop, tired, or otherwise haggard. I really appreciate it, even if you are just being nice. Will check in after appointment...and please hope along with me that Dr. (Wicked Witch of the West) Robertson is not the one on call when my doctor is gone, or I'll need to do some scrambling to make others plans. That is all. Mumma Out

Sew...Let the nesting begin!

OK, so I still don't feel so hot, and five to seven weeks sure seems like a long time, but I think I will be keeping myself busy with finishing up the little man's room. I will post pics as soon as I can, but for now: 1) Room - painted! (thank you Alan!!!), 2) Curtains hung, 3) material purchased for pillows, stroller blankets, changing pad cover, etc., and 4) Alan has started on the main art piece in the room. I completely made him plagiarize this: http://www.olliandlime.com/uk/egg/teal/leggwallart.html since this is what the crib bedding is (see picture :) And that is actually the crib we have, so you get the picture. I also have the brown and blue one pictured, which I plan to switch out whenever having to change sheets, etc. I bought a LOT of fabric and now need to decide what to do with what. I know that I am making my own swaddle blankets, since the one that we loved for Evie ( Swaddle Me Designs Ultimate Swaddle Blanket- we only had the one) was $25 new. I bought two of those for Sawyer on eBay and at a yard sale, but I wanted to have a few more on hand, and can't find anymore cheap ones...so I am making them! They match perfectly and will end up costing me SO much less. Really...I am not sure how they can charge you that much for a 42 inch by 42 inch piece of flannel, but not me... I found fabric that would have been perfect for the curtains, but the brown ones I purchased were good and cheap and they block out a TON on light. Mine would have been cuter, but not so much on the room darkening.

I guess really the only new, persistent pg symptom is the swollen lower legs and feet. It is all the time, salt or no salt, walking a mile or sitting down. This is definitely earlier than it happened last time. Still not a braxton-hicks to be felt, no practice on the part of my body, but he isn't fully cooked in there anyway, so I am not really anxious for him to appear any time in the next 2 weeks...But once 37 weeks hits (in 13 days) it is GAME ON! Raspberry leaf tea...(newly learned of) Primrose Oil, all the other strategies you can think of to spur on labor. That is what I will be doing...or will I? I just remembered that everyone except for me, and one other person, will be out of my office the week of my due date. Not only am I going to have to work past my due date, but it is not always a good thing to be covering for multiple other coordinators. As evidenced by my day at work yesterday...it can really suck. I just hope that I am not even close at that point and still feeling OK. Or, if I have already had him, I guess I am off the hook, huh?

All else is fine. I still have not gotten over the whole bra issue, but at least am bidding on some more on ebay, since I now just have the two that fit me, neither of which is a normal color you can wear under something white. I'll drop the boob thing, though. Just know...I am not amused.

I find myself just sitting in Sawyer's room rocking back and forth (back and forth, back and forth...for you 'Love you forever' fans) dreaming up what he will be like. Evie came in and said, "Mumma, what are you dooooing?" *think Rob Schneider in 'The Water Boy' for pronunciation. She thinks I am going cuckoo, I think but she now reliably can tell you who is in my belly. I know she will be the best big sister...bossy, for sure, but he'll at least be taught the ropes by a smart cookie :)

Alan's back is slowly getting better...while mine gets worse, but he has been sweet and taking care of my cankles and massaging my back, so I can't complain. We have talked about switching Doulas, since neither of us has a lot of faith in the one we've been working with. I am not one to go out of my way to keep in touch, and I don't want to seem like a bother, but it would at least be nice to know if/when she gets my messages/emails. I am thinking that lack of communication and seeming flaky are not things one should look for in a doula. I will call her Monday to talk, and we'll go from there.

Today, I started gathering things for my hospital bag, so that is something. More along the nesting idea, I guess. I am also thinking I am going to try my hand at making a few belly bands and nursing shirts. I guess I better get sewing.

I'll keep the pics coming...Mumma, Out

Birthing plan...new and improved

A little preamble before posting...This may be TMI for you (Charles...Ange) so don't feel required to read.

Lauri and Alan Filar’s Birthing Plan – Baby Sawyer Filar due 10/29/10

We would like, whenever possible, to follow the plan we have set in place. We understand that unforeseeable circumstances may make it necessary to deviate from it. We are planning to have the help of a Doula, by the name of Lisa Saldaña.

Induction: I would like to be allowed to go over my due date of October 29, 2010 by two weeks, to November 11, or possibly longer, if there are no signs of fetal distress, lack of Amniotic fluid, etc., before being induced. If there is danger to myself or the baby, I am glad to discuss induction before that.

Monitoring: I would like periodic fetal monitoring or telemetry, as available, in order to be more mobile throughout labor. I will certainly be fine with constant monitoring if any problems arise.

Medications: It is my intention to give birth naturally. I DO NOT want Intravenous narcotics, and would rather they not be offered. I would like to use relaxation and other pain management techniques, including our TENS unit to help cope with pain of contractions. My husband or Doula will notify you if I need pain medications.

Laboring: First stage of Labor: I would like as much freedom to move as possible. I anticipate wanting to walk, use the tub/shower and be out of bed, or have music on, lights low for most of the first stage of labor. Being flat on my back has been especially uncomfortable for me, and I wish to avoid this whenever possible. I have brought my own birthing ball and plan to use it as needed. I would like, if allowable, to be able to have drinks and snacks, including popsicles and juice, brought from home.

Second Stage of Labor: I would like to avoid directed pushing, and be allowed to push when I have the urge. I understand that this may lengthen this stage, but I do not wish to tire myself needlessly with pushing when my body is not telling me to do so. I wish to be allowed to push in whatever position I would like, be that squatting with or without help, on hands and knees, or semi-inclined. I have had problems, following my first birth, with urinary incontinence and believe it may be better for my pelvic floor to avoid being on my back for pushing.

Interventions: Natural Vaginal delivery without intervention is my preference. I am; however, open to any and all interventions that will aid in the safe delivery of our baby. The use of Pitocin, cervical ripening agents, Intravenous fluids, and having the amniotic sac broken are acceptable if necessary. I will consent to the use of forceps, vacuum, or caesarean section, if medical necessity dictates it. I would, however, like to exhaust all safe options of natural vaginal delivery prior to this choice being made. I would to avoid an episiotomy if at all possible. If a tear seems inevitable, then obviously I would be OK with the procedure.

Upon Delivery: Assuming the baby is vigorous and healthy, I would like for (him) to be placed on my chest. I believe Alan would like to cut the umbilical cord, but you should ask him. I would like to keep the baby on my chest for as long as possible. We would like for Alan and me to be able to care for the baby as much as possible during the delivery of the placenta/repair of any tears or episiotomy. We understand that some measurements and procedures need to be done in a timely fashion and cannot be performed either on my chest or with Alan holding him, but would like him back immediately following.

Rooming-In: I plan to breastfeed exclusively, so we would like for the baby to be with us in our room, but may feel differently once we are completely exhausted. We’ll let you know.

Visitors: Are welcome. We would like for our daughter, Evie, to be able to be in the room in the early stages of labor. We will have her leave with a friend or family member before the point where it may get scary for her. We would like her to be able to come in soon after birth to meet her baby brother and visit with Mommy and Daddy.

Thank you to everyone involved in helping us bring our baby into the world!

Lauri and Alan Filar

I heard somewhere, 'If you don't have anything nice to say..."

In which case, I guess I shouldn't say anything at all. Let's see what has been happening...

The Good...Everything else in my life not having to do with my pregnant body

The Boring...I had my 34 week appointment on Wednesday and it was entirely uneventful. Trace protein, low blood pressure, measuring right, slight swelling in feet. Then I brought up my new plans for this go 'round. For once I couldn't read Dr. Ehrenberger, and he asked me to just bring in my birthing plan next time. I went ahead and updated it and emailed it to him. He is probably thinking I am a nut job...type A-like behaviour for sure. I have posted it for your perusal. For you (at least that I know of) male readers...you may want to skip that - TMI. Other than that...we are just curious to see how long I will go on my own. I am still sticking with my guess of Arrival Date - November 7th (which would be nice, since I could then say that he and Evie are EXACTLY 2.5 years apart,) but who knows?

The Bad...This fricking pregnant body of mine. My Attitude has gone quickly downhill, from somewhat contrary to outright malevolent, at times. I swear, I wasn't like this last time, not even at the very end. I am officially having trouble shaving my legs, not peeing myself, and being anything but a dour biatch. I think I collectively got about 3 hours of sleep last night between the tossing, turning, overheating, peeing and general discomfort. I think I am going to try the floor in the basement tonight, where it is cool, and I can get a little more leverage while trying to toss this abdomen and other front baggage from side to side all through the night. And about the heat...It just shouldn't be this hot. high 80's, 90? Really? Whenever I think of hot summer days, in the middle of summer, I hear Cicadas, screeching along in my mind...Well guess what? I heard them for real on the way to my car the other day, while soaking through my shirt. I literally had to take my shirt off in the car on the way home and crank the A/C. My fellow commuters on 270 got an eye full. I finally hear that tomorrow is supposed to be in the low 70's...Thank you Baby Jebus!, but Wait!!! Sunday, High 80's...I quit.

I just looked at a picture of me at 34 weeks last time today. I look like a reasonable size for a pregnant person. My breasts weren't crowding Alan out of the picture, and my tummy wouldn't have eclipsed the moon. What happened?! I still don't know my weight, but I can tell you that they are now saying "good" when they refer to it, so I can't have packed on much extra. So what is the deal? This cup size thing...it is getting both old, and expensive. I got my third bra in one month today in the mail off ebay(I had tried it on at Nordstrom last Friday and it was $48 (apparently "big busted" ladies are S.O.L. on affordable support) down from $82... No Way, Jose. After wearing a bra today which CLEARLY did not fit (think obvious overflowage,) I was pretty uncomfortable and very excited to have one additional bra that might work, since up until yesterday, I wore the same one for 8 days straight. I put it on and asked Alan if it fit. His reaction (and you think this would be good, coming from a guy) was , "Holy Crap, those are huge!" Ugh...Thanks, Babe. I went ahead and ordered a size 36H, as the first bra I bought a month ago was a 36FF, which quickly has become almost unwearable, and with 6 - 8 weeks to go...there could be and "I" (I-mmense, I-mpossible, I can't believe those are real...you get the picture) in my near future. The other pregnant woman at work, Beth, turned me on to Theresa Strasser's (you'll know her, if you watched 'While you were out') BLOG from last year when she was pregnant. It is g-d hysterical and refreshing. I was right with her on every point until I got to an entry today about her boobs. She wrote a whole entry (almost as long as this rant, if you can imagine,) about how awful it was that she was having to wear a "real bra" in size C, no less, and how she missed her A-cup and "bralette." First things first...I haven't been able to wear a bralette for the last 25 years...no exaggeration. I was so p/o'd reading this bitch fest about her 36C bra that I had to tell her. I NEVER comment on people's Blogs, and this is futile, as it was over a year old, but I just had to vent and tell her that she was quickly making her way onto MY "people I want to punch" list. And I felt much better afterward...and proceeded to read more entries, which made me love her again. But if she mentions it again...so help me. Enough about the girls, but they really are a source of great discontent right now.(ya think)

What else? (In case you couldn't get enough of the positive energy flowing so freely from me right now...) My back really aches, I now have an almost constant cramp in my right calf...not just limited to middle of the night anymore, and I am getting more and more impatient. I need to get busy, and keep my mind off this all. The only things coming up are; 1) Tomorrow: The illustrious Broomfield Days, so that will be most of the day, 2) Rockies game a week from tonight, 3) Our 6th Anniversary on 10/10/10 (Cavalia, Chop House...night alone with my man...can't wait,) and 4) A 1st birthday party. I have got some filling in to do. I also need to find some time and motivation to get sewing. Curtains for the guest room, a blanket for Sawyer and then there is the artwork for his room and Carly's room that I need to get done. Tick tock, tick tock.

Oh...and I have quit TWO books in one week. I don't often give up on books, but if you'd like a review of each, here you go:

Get Me Out: A History of Childbirth from the Garden of Eden to the Sperm Bank - Randi Hutter Epstein:

I heard an interview with the author in February, or something, and thought it sounded very interesting, about how the socioeconomic classes dictate womens views on childbirth, and the resources available to them, and how men really created the field of obstetrics in order to have more control over it. But reading it...I needed a Ritalin, or several. This lady jumps from century to century, within the same paragraph. I really wanted to like it, but I could not hang in there. I can't believe she is a writer for NY Times, and other pubs...Some editor at her publishing house needed to grow some balls and tell this lady to focus.

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Natural Childbirth by LM, CPM, HBCE, Jennifer L. West

I got this from the library, thinking it might be a more "moderate" approach to natural childbirth. I only made it through three chapters, and that was torturous. I am still committed to having Sawyer's birth be about what he, my body, and I need and know how to do...but if I hadn't made that choice already, this lady might have just talked me out of it. As many times as she says that each birth is up to the mother, how she would like it to go, you get the distinct impression that it is this lady's way, or the highway. She is sure judgmental. She obviously realizes that not only first time mothers are reading this book, yet goes ahead to make you feel like a failure if you had anything in the past or are planning on anything other than a home birth. Sheesh lady. Some of us would like to do it on our own, but have some back up if things don't go well...Ease up on the hospital hating. Can't tell you much more about it...

I am now on to "birthing without fear" - I'll let you know.

I am going to go have some bad for me snack, some drink that will surely necessitate five trips to the toilet, and hit the sack. I have Little Miss Independent all to myself while Alan is racing tomorrow, so I better get some zzzzzzzz's. As if.

Mumma, Out

timber!

Gawd...Apparently I am unable to navigate even the easiest terrain (the area surrounding my kitchen table.) Since I cannot see what is in front of me, having the triplets (twins plus my baby bump) obstructing my line of sight, I tripped and completely wiped out AGAIN. This time right in front of Evie, Alan and Maria. Thankfully, I didn't hurt myself. Poor Sawyer is probably getting used to this and is probably wondering to himself if he is in safe hands ;)

Otherwise, just back to the grind after a great weekend with my little family plus Maria. Sandra sent all sorts of Wyatt's clothes, so that was fun to go through and stash away. I swear, I won't have to do laundry for weeks, if I didn't want to, with how many clothes I have amassed for Sawyer. I almost think he has more newborn stuff than Evie did, and that is saying something.

Physically...I have this weird thing going on where for the last four or five night, the top of my abdomen really hurts...like a pulled muscle. I am thinking it is because I have been standing and walking so much, away from work for the long weekend, and not supporting my belly as much. This is gonna be a long two months! What are you supposed to do for that? I already have one of those belly support belts, but it doesn't really help the top! What else? I am now up to a 36 g, and in one bra it was a H/I. Depressing! The Lady at Bosom Buddies who did my fitting said she wouldn't even be surprised if I got bigger, so maybe I should wait to get a bra until my milk comes in. This could get ugl-y/ier. My feet are still swelling, but let's just say I have not been cutting back on the salt over the long weekend. I definitely have to get up at least once each night to pee. I have been trying to be very gentle and quiet when I get up, but it has been backfiring, and Sawyer has woken up the last few nights and kicked around a while when I am trying to get back to sleep. I can already see he is going to not be the sleeper Evie is...we were spoiled with her! Next appointment is my 34 week on the 15th, but I am sure it will be more of the same...weigh, pee in a cup, listen and measure and out...So far Dr. Ehernberger has been very flexible with my birthing plans, and has no problem with what I want...the last time I talked to him about maybe not doing coached pushing. I want to talk to my doula about that, and if she has experience just having people push when they get the urge, and not on someone else's count. Hopefully she does, because I just want to do what my body needs this time around.

Getting very excited to meet this guy, but we definitely have a lot to do before he gets here. Since Alan's back has been out since last weekend, no painting has been going on. We need to do that and then pick up the curtain rods and drapes and put those up. In the meantime, I plan to work on artwork for buddy boy's room and also start on artwork for Carly's room...Hopefully they both come out cute!

I will fill in anything else that happens, but hopefully I won't be taking anymore trips (or falls) soon.

Mumma, Out

week 32 picture

So...I know I haven't shared a picture in a while, so here you all go. I am not sure how this is supposed to go on for another 2 months! There will be no where for him to go but out!

I guess I forgot

so in the last post, I mentioned our trip down the stairs, but I didn't realize I hadn't written about it. So...Evie had gotten out of bed and came to find me upstairs. In an effort to not wake her up anymore that she already was, I started to carry her down the stairs to her room, without the lights on. Me and my mongo pregnant body slipped on the top stair, and down I went, holding Evie. I held her tight and tried to brace myself in the stairwell, but I slipped down 5 of the stairs, landed hard on my butt, top of my foot, and cut-up my elbow. Evie kind of rolled to the carpeted floor. I didn't want to scare her, but my eyes immediately welled up with tears and my voice was really shaky. Evie asked , "Mumma fall down, Mumma all right?" and I was trying to talk but couldn't really...I just tried to stay really still and see if I could feel anything wrong, like contractions, or leaking or whatever. Thankfully, nothing. I just sat there for a bit and Evie was obviously VERY concerned and went to go get Daddy. Seeing as he was in the garage and she can't open the outer door, she came back to me and tried to help me up. I hobbled over to her bed and laid down. Alan came in shortly after that and when she heard him come in upstairs, she went running to get him. I heard her saying, "Daddy, Mumma fell, hurt." and then they came hurrying downstairs. I let him know we were all fine then burst into tears...I was so scared and shaken up.
I got upstairs with help and put ice on my foot and raised it for the next few hours. Sawyer was almost frantic with activity, which kind of freaked me out, but still no contractions, etc. so I wasn't too worried. I was supposed to go in the next morning for my glucose challenge test anyway, but I called into work, as there was no way I could walk the 1/4 mile from my car to my building and I couldn't really put a shoe on my foot, as even flip flops hurt the top of my foot. I called the Doctor's office as soon as they opened and let them know what happened. They got me in right away with the doctor who'd been subbing for Dr. E. Thank goodness, because they first tried to put me in with Dr. Robertson, who I swear is the most condescending person I've ever had the displeasure of meeting. I think they probably looked in my chart and saw that i have specifically asked to not see her again, unless an emergency.

I went in and Dr. Salas-Myers listened to my belly with the Doppler and made sure I was not having any contractions...She thought I looked good and she was not worried. :) I got my test done and drove home, put my feet up and watched movies for the rest of the day. Sadly, it meant I had to cancel my mani/pedi for the next day, as I could not have anyone touching my foot :P There goes my vanity!

So...My foot is still not right, and I am guessing I had a stress fracture in one of the tarsals, my elbow is finally healing over and the bruise on my right hip/butt is finally gone. I am not holding on to the railing and turning the light on each time I go up or down stairs, too. Who would have thought that your ability to navigate 6 stairs would be impacted?

Oh...my GCT came back fine...no diabetes, in fact, on the low side. Did I mention that I am anemic and had to start iron pills, too? We all, at work, thought it was funny when they called to tell me I had to start supplements, and that maybe I should add more fiber to my diet so I didn't get constipated. I just laughed...I am not sure how I could possibly get more fiber, but I said I would try.

My next appointment is this afternoon (week 32) so I will write more if there is anything to report. LF - out

I'm back

I am having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I have two whole months, at least, left. I think this second time around is so much harder. I do have Evie, who makes me laugh a lot, and Alan, who I love more than ever, to help me live my life until this little guy comes...But geez, it is taking forever.

I am not really able to get comfortable anymore. like...never. Sawyer is SUPER assertive with the kicking. I remember Evie being VERY busy, but not forceful enough to make me feel like I am being bruised from the inside. I feel like Bella Swan in the last twilight book, like he might just bust some ribs. I had my week 30 appointmnet before we went to Boston, and apparently I measure correctly, and his head is down and fairly low in my pelvis, which explains the constant feeling that I need to pee. I have a few of the newborn diapers and some other things ready to go into the hospital bag, so that makes me excited. I can't wait to just hold him...Yes, he'll be easier to take care of while he is still on the inside, but then, how can I look at that little face and feel his breath against my cheek :)

I just about 10 days ago started to get ankle swelling, and my foot apparently actually sustained some damage in my fall down the stairs (I think I mentioned that, right?) because it feels like I have a hairline fracture, or something on the top of my foot. Speaking of feet...this little gem of a new development really makes me sad. Seda and I were shopping the other day and I was trying on shoes. Time after time, they were not fitting right. I thought it was the swelling, after going to the zoo and Thai/Chinese food, but no...I realized that my left foot, which has always been a teensie bit bigger than my right, is now SIGNIFICANTLY bigger. I am guessing it is a whole half sizer bigger. I am so hoping that my right either gets bigger, too, or the left goes back to normal :(

I was hoping Alan would be able to paint Sawyer's room, since we bought the paint and are all ready to go, but his back went out the other day at the track, so we are kind of at a stand still. I ordered the curtains and rods for the room, so I am just hoping that the room is painted by the time those come. Then to do art for the walls! My fave task!

Maria is coming to visit this weekend, so I think we are all excited about that. Sunflower Farm Kidsfest and whatever else, hopefully to include my new fave...Sweet Action Ice Cream, on Broadway. Fried chicken and Ice Cream could pretty much be all I ate for the next months, and I would be perfectly happy :P

That's about it, because if I write anymore, I will only complain more about how it sucks to be preggers right now. C'mon fall!!! Mumma, out

tick tock, tick tock...

Huh...I am not sure where I left off last time...
So, I went to the second ultrasound and it didn't look to me like the placenta had moved much away from the cervix, so I was pretty bummed. It looked as though the little man was doing well in there, though, so that was all that mattered. He was being very stubborn so we did not get a lot of good shots of him this time. A few days later, my doctor called and said that he felt like the placenta had moved just enough and that he was not worried at all. Phew...He is a pretty prudent type of guy, so if he is not worried, I am not worried :) Since then, he must have gone off to some other exotic land (he was in Italy last month) so I had to have my 28 week (actually on my 27 week day) with the same substitute doctor. Not really much to report there...She just wanted me to go in for my glucose test, so I guess I will do that this Friday or something.

What else? Well...I was completely engrossed in reading the Twilight Saga, and made it through all four books in 10 days. Not proud, just explains why I have not written in quite some time. That and the new obsession with the Tudors. After I finished with the reading, I began watching at least one episode a night. I am all the way through season 2, so 20 episodes down. Damn Netflix. It will be a good thing, though, when I am up nursing and don't have anything to watch since we canceled our satellite subscription.

Evie is being a full-fledged two-year-old. I love how much she is changing everyday and the new things she comes out with all the time, but the willfullness and attitude I could do without. She is NOT interested in the baby in mommy's belly, but she still seems interested in babies in public, so hopefully that will continue. She has been sleeping in the big girl bed for the last month straight, so that is a relief. No need to buy a new crib. She had her first dentist appointment today and it was really great. She needs to get rid of the nookie really soon, though, so I am a little nervous about that. Otherwise, she did fine and I loved the doctor and the setting. I think she will really like it there over time.

Wow...this is supposed to be a pregnancy blog, but at this point there is really nothing new to report. I have been absolutely ravenous, so that's no good and I am definitely not "cute pregnant," just large pregnant. There is nothing cute about how I look right now, so I am hesitant to share any pictures. I cringe every time I see myself from the side and then immediately think of the 3 months I will have left to get bigger. Yikes. Sciatica is starting to kick in and the sleeping really kind of stinks. I really can't wait to get my body back...I will share the breasts for as long as possible, but the rest I am taking back. I have been really hot and I can't wait to get to New England to at least be near the lake. That should be pretty...bathing suit and me right now doesn't sound like a good mix.

What else? Sawyer Vaughn...that is what we came up with for sure, in case I hadn't shared that previously. Evie and Sawyer. We don't know what to call him for short though, so it will just be the full name, I guess. We think when he is a rebellious teenager that he will tell people, "just call me Saw." Bad Ass. lol

Did I mention that Sandra and Matty are having a girl? So the great baby item swap is about to take place. Maria is coming for Labor Day and she will shuttle much of it back and forth. And Melanie made plans to come November 8-12 or something, so I am hoping I have sprung this kid before then.

All else is good...just living large. Will report more when there is anything to report.

Mumma, Out (It's root beer float time)