The Doula

So, we met our prospective Doula, Lisa, tonight. I didn't really know what to expect. To say I am not the world's most touchy-feely person might be an understatement. I am glad that those exact traits are seemingly what makes someone a good Doula. She was very calm and caring and insightful. She is most of the things I am not...what I am lacking. She asked me a lot about what I want to happen differently from last time, what the biggest challenges were for me, and what I am hoping to gain from this.

Firstly...the biggest issue that I had with Evie's birth (and probably in life, in general) was the inability to relax and focus. Lisa asked my what I do to relax, and you could hear *crickets*. I don't relax much, as those who know me best may have guessed. That is my first(self-imposed) assignment...try to find things that will relax me. I will go to Yoga (for the first time ever) on Tuesday, and start there. I will try to become more self aware and quiet. I promise to put aside time for myself to concentrate on breathing, what tension feels like and how to dissipate it. I want to be prepared and not swayed.

I re-read my journal that I did with Evie's birth. The reason they hooked me up to the monitor was not for any reason other than to monitor how labor was progressing, the strength of my contractions, etc. I am changing my birthing plan to adamantly deny this with this birth. Labor will progress how it will progress. They can monitor me intermittently, otherwise, don't fence me in! I am leaning toward not being induced, unless there is a medically necessary reason. If I want the "full experience" that means going into labor spontaneously. The more I think about it, the more I am sure that is what the plan is. Maybe without the induction, they won't have a good reason to hook me up to every monitor in the book, and I can actually practice some coping methods.

That brings me to assignment number 2: Actually immerse myself in pain management, pushing, and relaxation techniques. Plan on a natural birth, believe that I can do it, and prepare for it, the best I can. I, in talking to Lisa, realize that the most compelling reason that I called her is that deep-down I felt like a failure for not being able to give birth to Evie naturally. Why not me? I can do this, and I want support that believes/knows I can do it.

I knew, and was VERY clear, the first time that I was to have no narcotics systemically because I didn't want to dull my senses. What I didn't really think about was the epidural dulling the natural senses that might help me progress...the pain, the urges to move around, change position, to push. I have no delusions...it will hurt, it will be really hard, but I hope I can also say, I did everything I could to get him out on my terms with this equipment I was born with.

These are my intentions, and I am really going to work toward making them happen. Alan is on board, and we are bringing in a professional :) Now...I just hope that my budding idea to not be induced will not sway when I am two weeks overdue ;) and that this placenta previa resolves, so I can carry out my plan.

We are all good, and we are getting closer and closer every day. 4.5 months left...before I know it, 4 months. I want to enjoy this time I have with my girl and man, before the addition arrives. That's all. Nothing more to report pregnancy or baby-wise.

Love, and out- Mumma